he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
