Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
