Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
