You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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