I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
did i walk over a car last night?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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