eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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