3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
we have officially lost it.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
