Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
