Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
