is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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