come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
