i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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