youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
