So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
