Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
