I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Randomize
