Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
