..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
