he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
