Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
