I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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