Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize