You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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