Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize