guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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