My friends, they love my intelligence
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
