So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
