I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
