my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
