You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
