Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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