Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
