Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
