Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
