well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
