OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
