i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
