I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
