Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I am mentally ready for anal.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
