All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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