He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
