quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
