this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
