That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
