i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Also, beer. Big fan.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
