Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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