Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
