She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
