Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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