i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
this hospital has no fireball
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Randomize
