I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
