Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
