We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
