Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
