I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
