i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize