Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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