Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Randomize