Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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