I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
