I need to stop coming to work sober
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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