I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
